Post 2

For most of my life, adolescence and on, I have tried to explore the meaning and origin of my last name:  Cavalchire. It is quite obvious that this is an extremely rare name. All my family is sure of is that it is of Italian origin. Us Cavalchire's, we're an elite group, there are not many of us, which makes it even harder to determine the history behind our name and behind the existence of our entire family. We've determined that when our family arrived at Ellis Island from Italy that our last name was written down incorrectly, which was surprisingly a common occurrence due to the amount of immigrants coming in and the existing language barrier. It is debated in our family that our true last name could Cavalcare or something of the sorts. I've always been jealous of people that have a definite last name that can easily trace back to ancestors. But either way, we are Cavalchire's and that is how we've made ourselves known here in America. The constant mispronunciations and misspellings are something we are used to and appreciate because of the times it has made us laugh, Though I can't stop my dad from joking that he is going to change our last name to Smith to avoid any future misunderstanding.

My last name strongly defines me because I align myself so closely with my Italian heritage. I love my name so deeply that I have already decided that if I am to marry, I will retain my current last name. I am also the youngest and last Cavalchire and I want to preserve the family line. I'm a Cavalchire and I always will be. It's not something I would give up without a fight. I do recognize that this feeling may change once I reach that point in my life, but for now, I find importance in maintaining my given name. Though I feel that the tradition of a woman adopting her husband's name, originated out of the overwhelming power that men felt they had over women and their intent on preserving the "more important" history of their family, I definitely think people's reasoning has veered far away from this and I do not judge anyone that chooses to adopt a new name at marriage. Today, I see a woman adopting her husband's last name as a way to preserve a joint family history that is important to them, while creating a unified group.

After reading Anna Quindlen's article, I too, notice the two me's that I show at different times. I'd hate to say that children of divorce don't face their fair share of hardships, because we for sure deal with plenty. But if we are being honest, being a child of divorce comes with perks, after the emotional turmoil part is over at least. For me, many times I feel like I have two separate families:  the one that consists of my mother and I and the one that is my father and I. Though because my mother kept my father's last name, and mine, after her divorce, sometimes we are mistaken as a generic nuclear family.

But even bigger than that, I feel that I am stuck between the me that hates the fact that I come from a divorced family because of the struggles it brings me and the me that acknowledges the benefits it brings me and the lessons it has taught me. When people learn that I come from divorced parents, their is the initial respect that they have for me because many people realize that it is difficult growing up in a split family, especially due to financial issues and the continuous fights that many of us had to suffer through. But I can also start to explain to them what having divorce parents has taught me and the good things it has brought me. With parents that were constantly fighting, even after their divorced, I now know that before a big decision, like marriage, is made, it has to be significantly thought out beforehand since I would never want it to negatively affect people like my parents' divorce has done. I also have a new found respect for couples that are effective in calmly discussing their issues and concerns instead of resorting to fighting.

In different circumstances, I notice myself either showing more of the positive side of being a child of divorce or the opposite. I can't determine whether this is a good or bad thing and if I should attempt to most often paint the full picture.